This month has really got me thinking about life, mainly the future and how I can prepare for it. I decided to write down all the things I need to do.
1.get out of debt. my credit is pretty much destroyed because of my ex, so I really need to fix that in order to get a home and a nice car for Dylan and I.
2. Have a savings account that has a year of living expenses. This will be hard but it will make me feel safe
3. graduate school and get career started.
4. Pay off student loans right away
5. Find a great school for Dylan
6. visit New York and Miami
7. Get Dylan talking!!!
8. move closer to family!
This list stresses me out so much because everything is money related. I will be graduating from GMAI in March, so I basically have to wait nine months to get a good job. I currently am looking for a part time job but its not going well. UGH!
I want to get all this done by the time I am 30. Wish me luck!
xx
Robyn
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Monday, July 11, 2011
Sunday, July 10, 2011
The Dream
Every parent fantasizes about their child as a grown up. Maybe you want them to be a doctor or lawyer or a rock star, maybe you see them graduating from Harvard or defending our great nation. It's completely normal to dream like this. I want Dylan to be a doctor, play soccer and football, kiss the prettiest girl at his prom and graduate with all A's. I want him to have all the things I didn't have.But what if you find out all those dreams can never possibly happen? what if you learn your child has a disabilitly that will prevent from doing normal things? This is what I am facing right now... This is our story so far.....
I first noticed something was off with Dylan when he was a year, he did not talk at all. He would babble and make noise but nothing but an occasional mamama would come out of his mouth. I wasn't too worried because I didn't talk until I was three. Then he turned two and still no words. He also was starting to show other signs, his refusal to feed himself, he will stare at his hands so hard he shakes, arm flapping, getting WAY too excited over the littlest things, ignoring me when I talk to him, lining toys up, and his almost obsessive fascination with numbers and the clock. I brought all this up at his well visit and his pediatrician referred us to a speech pathologist for an evaluation.
July 5th. We were of course running late to our appointment so I rushed Dylan to the car and we sped off to the hospital. I parked and we walked up to the doctors office and checked in. Dylan played with the toys in the waiting room, handing me random objects and laughing while I put on lipgloss. The speech therapist came out and greeted Dylan. Dylan gave her his trademark smile and slightly backed up, hey he's shy! So we walked in and the evaluation started... He pretty much ignored her while she tried to engage him in the tests. He did love the ball, so she started a game of catch. He would deliberately turn away from her and throw it in the opposite direction which I thought was funny. Anyways he was being stubborn so she asked me questions, like does he do this or that? Most I had to say no he doesn't. So at the end of it she told me he had severe expressive language delays, obviously! and moderate receptive language delays and some play and social skills delays. I want to blame the play and social skills on myself because I don't really play with toys with him, we spend most of our day at the park, walking and reading plus he has noone but myself to socialize with. When we are around people, he's smiley, charming and finds other kids exciting... She told me that Dylan would greatly benefit from a birth to 3 program with a classroom and speech therapy program. Ok great! The she told me that she couldn't rule autism out so we needed to get an appointment with a psychologist in their behavioral unit. UMMM SCARY! My heart literally sank when I heard those words. Dylan looked up me then with his trusting eyes and I almost cried. Later that day, Dylan and I were walking and I was thinking about the evaluation. I had made all the appointments necessary. I researched about mixed receptive-expressive language delay disorder and autism. I was drained but Dylan wasn't, he wanted to play and run out in the rode. Ugh! I told him at least 5 times not to go in the round, then I raised my voice... He literally threw himself down on the sidewalk and kicked and screamed and then starting hitting himself in the head with his hand. I was shocked, he never does this. I picked him up and as he looked at me through his teary eyes, I realized he needs me, I have to protect him, fight for him, be strong for him. We will make it through this, no matter what they diagnosis him with, he will always be my little boy.
I first noticed something was off with Dylan when he was a year, he did not talk at all. He would babble and make noise but nothing but an occasional mamama would come out of his mouth. I wasn't too worried because I didn't talk until I was three. Then he turned two and still no words. He also was starting to show other signs, his refusal to feed himself, he will stare at his hands so hard he shakes, arm flapping, getting WAY too excited over the littlest things, ignoring me when I talk to him, lining toys up, and his almost obsessive fascination with numbers and the clock. I brought all this up at his well visit and his pediatrician referred us to a speech pathologist for an evaluation.
July 5th. We were of course running late to our appointment so I rushed Dylan to the car and we sped off to the hospital. I parked and we walked up to the doctors office and checked in. Dylan played with the toys in the waiting room, handing me random objects and laughing while I put on lipgloss. The speech therapist came out and greeted Dylan. Dylan gave her his trademark smile and slightly backed up, hey he's shy! So we walked in and the evaluation started... He pretty much ignored her while she tried to engage him in the tests. He did love the ball, so she started a game of catch. He would deliberately turn away from her and throw it in the opposite direction which I thought was funny. Anyways he was being stubborn so she asked me questions, like does he do this or that? Most I had to say no he doesn't. So at the end of it she told me he had severe expressive language delays, obviously! and moderate receptive language delays and some play and social skills delays. I want to blame the play and social skills on myself because I don't really play with toys with him, we spend most of our day at the park, walking and reading plus he has noone but myself to socialize with. When we are around people, he's smiley, charming and finds other kids exciting... She told me that Dylan would greatly benefit from a birth to 3 program with a classroom and speech therapy program. Ok great! The she told me that she couldn't rule autism out so we needed to get an appointment with a psychologist in their behavioral unit. UMMM SCARY! My heart literally sank when I heard those words. Dylan looked up me then with his trusting eyes and I almost cried. Later that day, Dylan and I were walking and I was thinking about the evaluation. I had made all the appointments necessary. I researched about mixed receptive-expressive language delay disorder and autism. I was drained but Dylan wasn't, he wanted to play and run out in the rode. Ugh! I told him at least 5 times not to go in the round, then I raised my voice... He literally threw himself down on the sidewalk and kicked and screamed and then starting hitting himself in the head with his hand. I was shocked, he never does this. I picked him up and as he looked at me through his teary eyes, I realized he needs me, I have to protect him, fight for him, be strong for him. We will make it through this, no matter what they diagnosis him with, he will always be my little boy.
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